At the ripe age of 18, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my mom. I wanted to be independent and I thought "There is no way in hell I will be 18 and still living at home!" So I packed up, and hauled ass about 30 minutes away to a city I had no business living in but did because of a boy.

The boy and I didn't work out, but I did find another one who lived four hours away from me. In retrospect, we moved really fast. Getting engaged after knowing each other a few weeks and moving in with each other after a few months. But you know, life comes at you fast and you just gotta go with it.

We didn't work out. Living in the same space with a significant other wasn't something I was ready for. Plus, we weren't living in an ideal location and we just realized, among other things, we weren't compatible. But I only found this out after moving back home with the promise of leaving again with him to share our own home only to be broken up with over a text message.

That, my friends, is how I found myself back with my mom.

That was 9 years ago.

Between being reckless with money, job hopping, having my anxiety and depression start kicking in full gear I just never thought I'd move out again. If you would have told the me 9 years ago who was balled up on the floor holding their phone dealing with crippling heartbreak that when I turned 30 my life would ACTUALLY kick into gear, I would have thrown that cheap LG in your face.

So yeah, I turned thirty a few weeks ago and I feel like all of those tarot readings and shit really started kicking in all at once. Let me tell you, I am not ready.

See, I have been applying for jobs in the fashion industry since I graduated May of 2017. I am just a little over a year out of school and I've worked for Levi's and The North Face on contract positions all the while applying for full time work in the Bay Area with nothing sticking. On a whim, after spending my 30th birthday in Sacramento with my friend, I looked into jobs up there. Just to see, you know, if I had options. I'd been considering places like LA and Portland thinking getting as far away from here as possible was what I needed, but none of the jobs I'd been applying to in those locations were landing. I found out that The Gap as an HQ in Rocklin, 30 minutes north of Sacramento so I looked into their positions and applied.

A week later, I had a job offer. Now, not to toot my horn but I kinda felt like I had that one in the bag. I didn't know I wanted the job until I got there, I was just going in with a "Let's just try it out" mindset. But when I got there and heard more about the jobs I realized I wanted it...and I got it.

So that's where I find myself being moved to. In a few weeks I will pack up some of my life and move a little over an hour away for a new job.

I had a panic attack after getting offered the job because it was real. Everything was starting and it was happening too fast. I was not prepared...I still am not. My financial situation isn't ideal and I have no idea if I am going to be able to do what I want to do in this next phase but I have seen people do more with less and landed on their feet so I am trying my best to tell myself I've got this.

It helps that I have people in my corner too.


My birthday also brought up a bunch of other things too for me, things that I plan on sharing in future posts but for now my main concern is making sure this move happens smoothly and my new job goes off without a hitch. This space is just a place for me to talk about all the things that I will experience in this phase of life.

This is also a place for my friends to read about what's going on with me. I suck a communication and don't often pick up my phone as much these days anymore for anything other than Instagram and reading fan fiction so if you're my friends and you just wanna keep tabs on me...this is the place.